My name is Markalark. I was named after my guardian angel who was with me till I was four when I sat down at dinner and his plate wasn’t there anymore. I asked where it was and my mom said he isn’t coming back. Its time to grow up. I was sad,,,I still miss him…but he visits now and then…but I won’t tell my mom even though she died. That wasn’t so hard. She wasn’t really there much anyway. I learned to get by on my own really early. I kind of liked the incubator…but it was lonesome. Markalark was there. I like things close around me still. It feels safe.  I saw  a picture once where I was inside mommy. She was smiling so I believe that she was happy that I was coming in…it didn’t always feel that way. Some bad things happened that I don’t want to talk about…not because I feel scared. I have cried a lot about those and have let go of most of what I was holding on when I did that work with Beverley. That was fun because I got to be born in the right way twice. And I got to run away from the men who did that stuff. I really like that I can talk to you. This talking is what I wanted for so long. When big Mark introduced it I just scribbled and yelled for a whole bunch of pages. I had been silent for so long. Mom punished greig and me by putting us in the corner and said be quiet. But she gave me a clock or a book so I had something to do. That was confusing. But the corner isn’t scary to me. I like crying . I love to feel the tears move down my cheeks. They go down over my chin and drip down my chest until they find my belly button. I like to keep a pool of them there. Mom told me that crying wasn’t so good…she didn’t cry. But I couldn’t stop doing it…though I had to do it on my own most of the time. I loved my dog Patches but she was always having puppies. So my step father, Shep…who was a very mean man, took Patches and left in the river 10 miles away. There wasn’t any water but she was alone. And do you remember the story the Incredible Journey…well Patches was back on my doorstep waiting for me after school six days later. She was a white dog terrier who loved to play with Boomer the great dane across the street. I still remember throwing rocks at army men on the cliff by my house…I did not like the army men they were always around my house.. Mom worked at the officers club at camp roberts. I think she brought them home like little lost puppies. I dont like them because of what they did. I liked school because I got kissed by Linda marin on the first day of kindergarten. We went to high school together but that was the only kiss I ever got from her. I felt special because she was really pretty…but not as pretty as Carol Connely in second grade. We sat next to one another on a train trip and held hands. She moved away I think I still miss her….thank you for listening to me I love to talk. I love big Mark and I love me…and you, though I don’t know you…